In Dilemma.....

That is the feeling that is haunting in my mind right now. Taking it or losing it? Going or not?

Last Friday I was called by my boss and he asked me on something that am really looking forward since I start work back in 2002. And after these years the dream comes true. Working in oversea on project basis. Being able to go oversea on business trip for me is something valuable as I could gain knowledge, exposure and learn different culture. Even my previous work required me to travel a lot since I was in charge in handling airports' project but that was a bit different coz it was just for short period of time and I still haven’t has any children at that moment.

But now when the ONE opportunity that I have been looking for already in front of me, it suddenly hit my head and struck my mind – Will I be able to be away without the kids? How can I handle my night without them besides me? If they fall sick who is going to look after them? If Ehsan has any homework who will accompany him? Who will give me a good night kiss and hug before going to bed? Who will make me shouting like Tarzan? Who will make me angry like a monster and break my nerve? Will I still have dream while sleeping or it will give me a sleepless night? All these suddenly make me realize on how can I manage the life and time without them.

Hubby on the other hand is very supportive from the 1st day I started working. I guess he wants to see that all his investment (paying my MBA) is paid back. Hahahahaha….no lah…. He wants me to explore and gain experience as much as I could while am still young. Me personally I did mentioned to him that while the kids are still young I just want to grab all the opportunity in front of me so that I will not feel regret later on. But once I hit 40 (which I have another 8 years to go), I would consider quitting my job and focus on my family. By the time Ehsan will be in Form 1 InsyaAllah and it is the best time for me to concentrate on him and Erica on their education.

In a mean time, I will start preparing myself mentally and physically for the time to come. I pray hard that I would be able to go through the situation easily.