Tips for Parenting

It was really horribly long hiatus for me in blogging. I have a lot of stories, pictures, and memories to share but so limited time to really sit down and write. Furthermore with lots of thing that needs to settle since we came back from Sudan in January 2009 it’s even worst. Hubby still needs to work as usual whilst I need to handle from the house renovation to movement, Ehsan’s school and lot more.

For this 2010 I would like continue back my ‘passion’ in blogging as I always remember that my ‘niat’ of having this blog is for me to write all the stories of mine for my memories later with my children as well as to share some if not all with others.

In this post I would like to share some tips that I got from my uncle a.k.a Paksu Man. The other day I wrote an email to him sharing my concern on what is the best way for us as young parents to bring up our children to become a good Muslim as well as a good human being. And not only that I also wish to become a cool parent to my children so that I can become their friend rather than only a mother/father. I find it the tips are interesting and would like to share with anyone who is interested. This is his point of view in bringing up the children the way he does. Of course bringing up kids and moulding them to become the way we want may be different from an individual to another, but for me getting an advice from the experienced people would be an added value.

So here are some of his tips:-

Below 4 yrs old - communicate your thoughts by leading them, & showing them in not so many words, but with many ACTIONS. Don’t spank them but with example action (e.g washing hands before food, eating with mouth close.)

From 4 to 10 - it is ACTION plus sharing the good things of particular activities. (E.g. rubbing the hand with soap and doing it this way, will ensure the germs will go away, n not make us sick, or hanging your towels after shower/bath will make it dry so that they will not give u kudis!!), say it just once...never berletiaq (nag) ...children or teens don’t like that at all!! When they forget, then repeat it again n again n again. But never fret by saying "I have told u many times....!!". This will make them withdraw & rebel. Especially at a young age, and they will find means to get back at you. At this age they will start to ask many whys.

10 to 13 or once they are balikh - They can reason more, and start asking over n over again. And they will say with a bigger WHY?...hehehe.. This is the time their hormonal change affect their physical n mental state more. Again the friend approach is, to be with them more, fill them up with closeness and more of listening.
Try to understand why they like this & that, or hobby. Share their interest. Chill out with them. Go to the mall with them, Treat their friends well. Never perleceh (condemn) the way they dress (as long as tak langgar aurat rule), they way they comb their hair... As long as it does not come to any harm or against the Islamic rule, let them be. They will get over it once they reach 16. At this age they want to be treated like an adult.

Communicating

• Use a friendly intonation
• Imagine that you are going to talk to a friend, the atmosphere is casual...VERY IMPORTANT, don’t interrogate with so many WHYs, I THINK....
• listen and only give your views when ask
• If you are still dying to give your views, entice them to ask you
• Don’t interrupt
• Don’t raise your voice (friends laugh it out and respect each other)
• If the child needs to be admonished, then it should be communicated in private

These are some of the tips that Paksu shares with me. Some may find it interesting and some may have other opinion of their own. Either way we choose there’s always no right or wrong as long as we are happy with our spouse in bringing up the family that we wish it to be.

I guess for the 1^st posting of year 2010 it had been long enough. Until the next time I can find time for myself to blog again….. Au revoir people…….